Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
