i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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