Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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