How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's never too late to be topless.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
