smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
