i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
