I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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