Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
