no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
