put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
