Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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