Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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