im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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