So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My penis needs a shock collar
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
