textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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