Don't you send me to vm
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
