How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
