We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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