Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
