At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
