Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
organizing the empties. That sober.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
