I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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