my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
