Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
