Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
