At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
