meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
