I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
