Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
