She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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