I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
