I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Say something about gay babies.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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