census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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