Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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