It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
