he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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