i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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