Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
