im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
