Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You smell like stripper and shame
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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