The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
