He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
