So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
