If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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