I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
