Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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