yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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