I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
