Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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