Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
