if i can run in heels then i can drive
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
