Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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