and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
