You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
