yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
