You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
