My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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