see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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