Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
