How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
