but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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