it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
