Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
