his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
