i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
