If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
