the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
