Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
