Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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