i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I think i got beer on your cat.
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