I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
