i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Randomize
