Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
